The Perfect Disability

Hi, my name is Shari and I am hearing impaired … I imagine a whole room of people in my support group going “What?” “Huh?” or Speak up!” It’s ok. You can laugh at that. In this world of political correctness, we are hard pressed to even laugh at ourselves and see the brighter side of things without being hauled off to the “Fall In Line With The World View Academy of Reform”.

I have a sensory hearing loss. It is unrepairable and will gradually worsen as I age. It is also a source of amusement as I can hear sounds but without reading lips it is by guess and by golly as to what you said.  It often takes me a few seconds to process your conversation and find the words I missed. So I laugh at your jokes a little after everyone else. Then there is the rhyming game. Did they call Shari? Or was it Barry or Gerry … Then there are the whole conversations I missed but thought of later myself and tried to start again …

I have hearing aids, in case you are thinking “Well they make stuff to help you people!” Yes they do. Marvellous creations of technology getting smarter every day. They have Bluetooth and can connect wirelessly with your tv, cell phone and so on. I have the old analog ones. They make my ears stick out when I wear sun glasses, but they do the trick. Whenever I go to get maintenance on them, I get the pitch. “The new ones are so much better. They are so clear. We won’t be able to repair these ones much longer …”  Ya I know. It’ll only cost me $4000 and my first born, and like cell phones and such, they will be out of date the moment I get them. No thanks. I am considering learning sign language instead. Cheaper.

I will tell you the upside of my “disability”. I can read lips. I can spy on people across the room and learn their darkest secrets. Unless they have an accent or moustache. Those people are safe from me. I can “turn off” noise around me. At the end of the day I can take my “ears” out and the silence wraps around me like a soothing blanket. I can use my “disability” to get me out of things … like jury duty (yes, I’ve done that).  I am also oblivious to the annoying car squeaks, dogs barking, annoying chewers … things that drive my husband batty.

I have never been angry to have a hearing impairment. It has caused some grief, but for the most part I feel it makes me a more observant person. A disability of any kind will usually heighten other senses. I have an amazing sense of smell and taste (no, not bragging). If I wasn’t so lazy I could probably find a good job that utilizes these senses. Personally I would love coffee tester. As it is, I love food … and that is another blog ☺️

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